Harold Camping's cRapture

Update #3: June 12, 2011: According to The Oakland Tribune,
Harold Camping had a stroke, and his speech is the only thing affected. Seriously. Don't you wonder how the Holy Bullshit Master will spin this latest setback? In my opinion, Harold Camping REALLY needs to take the hint before God is forced to strike him dead altogether!

Update #2: May 23, 2011: Harold Camping stated that May 21st had been a "spiritual" Judgment Day (which went unnoticed at the time by everyone, including Camping), and that the Actual Rapture is now scheduled to occur on October 21, 2011, together with the destruction of the world.

Camping made that announcement in a press conference, giving NO APOLOGY to the people who liquidated their Earthly possessions to raise funds for his predicted May 21st Rapture-that-wasn't. Instead he declared that he'd really been right all along, but his interpretation "was more literal when it should have been spiritual."
Well, golly. I guess if it makes sense to Camping and his astute band of followers, it must be true. 
 

So... now, I guess set your countdown clocks to October 21st. (sigh)

Update #1: May 21, 2011, 6:01pm EDT: Uh, Hello? Reverend Camping? Yeah, listen, we're all still here. Nobody ascended. And there's no earthquake at all...nothing. So......what are we supposed to do now? Reverend Camping? Hello? 

Apocalypse Countdown

I guess by now everyone's heard about TODAY'S expected Rapture and Beginning of the Apocalypse. 

A little background: Harold Camping (seen above) of Family Radio fame had an unusual hobby. He took scattered fragments of The Bible, assigned numbers to or  collected numbers from various things and events, and put them all together very interestingly and creatively, using Numerology and basic arithmetic to arrive at a final number that translates (for him anyway) to a specific date for the Rapture......and that date is TODAY, May 21st, 2011.

I tried to follow his logic, I really did, but I swear there was no logic, just a lot of wildly random numbers and math, ending with a dramatic proclamation that seemed to come out of nowhere.

Obviously I'm missing whatever it is that Camping and his followers are seeing. I wanted to understand the rationale for the beginning point of his trail of significant numbers, but it just wasn't there for me.

All I did learn is that some on the outer fringes of the Fundamentalist Christian Movement find the presence of numbers and math problems (however cryptic) to be powerful proof that the world will end precisely when Camping says it'll end.

As a Quaker (with strong agnostic tendencies), this kind of spiritual certainty isn't my thing and feels very arrogant and wrong, so I'm still buying green bananas and giant size bags of dog food, and I think that goes for almost everyone. In fact, I'm not sure I personally know anyone who actually believes in the Rapture in the first place, much less that Jesus will return specifically on May 21st. But obviously we shall see what we shall see. 

However skeptical most of us are about this prophecy, the fact is that a surprising number of people are very invested (literally) in the idea that saved souls will ascend to Heaven beginning on Saturday, May 21st, 2011.

Bless their hearts and tiny pointed heads....., they're dead serious about this, to the extent that many (if not most) have quit their jobs, taken their kids out of school (although I'll bet most were home-schooled in the first place), sold their houses and other possessions, and basically cut all ties to any future on Earth, using their savings to go on "Mission Trips" to spread the word. Or pooling resources to fund thousands of billboards proclaiming the Second Coming. Like self-appointed volunteer publicists for Christ. Very willing, obviously sincere in their beliefs.

(from the Family Radio home page)

The leader of this lunacy (Harold Camping), previously made the same prediction for September 6th, 1994, but obviously that was  premature. When the Rapture didn't occur then as promised, he explained the noticeable absence of Fundamentalist Christians Floating Upwards on the predicted date as a mathematical error, leaving many of his followers completely undeterred and undiscouraged.... (sigh)........so now they are confident they will have "slipped the surly bonds of Earth" by Saturday night. "The Bible Guarantees it." I don;t know what they'll say on Sunday when they're still here and the planet itself is relatively peaceful.

Family Radio has placed 5,500 billboards, some on every continent except Antarctica

Comedians and pundits are having a field day with this story, and some people on facebook are planning "We Are Still Here" parties for the night of or the day after.  
It's just so easy to ridicule these people, it's not even sporting. But when you consider that the May 21st Believers are spending what they really expect are their last days on Earth trying to save the souls of others, it's kinda nice of them. I mean, sad and borderline insane for sure, but, you know, still kinda sweet when you think about it....I hope they don't take their lives in disappointment. There's plenty of history of that sort of thing. 
I try to respect people's beliefs, however bizarre or illogical, (note that I said I try to), whether it's a child's belief in Santa Claus or an adult believing in the wisdom of Sarah Palin, or me believing that I don't look that bad in shorts. Whatever; we all delude ourselves at times, so it's best to just let others believe whatever the heck they wanna believe, and not to be so quick to judge.....

....but when they're so in your face with it, and so obviously demented, it's hard to stay detached and unannoyed, or hard for me anyway. This all feels like yet another undeniable sign of the Dumbening of America....which actually does feel kind of Apocalyptic, at that!

Harold Camping thinks he's taking a trip, that-away, on May 21st

It's my belief that taking any version of the Bible literally makes even less sense than believing in the Tooth Fairy or the sincerity of Donald Trump or the Trickle Down Theory of Economics. After all, the Bible was written (and endlessly edited and censored) by mortal human beings , said to be Divinely Inspired, but who were absolutely positive that the FLAT Earth was the CENTER of the Universe.....

 The Heliocentric Universe described by 
Sir Thomas Digges 1540 - 1595
(my 9th great-grandfather)

....that alone should be enough to dissuade (sane) people from taking any interpretation of the Bible as literal truth. But it isn’t, because the Bible is "believed in" almost entirely by people who've never actually read it cover-to-c­over, and in reality have very little idea what they're saying they believe. 

Unusual perspective on The Bible...

Claiming to literally believe in the Bible (much less in Harold Camping's wacky interpretation of it) is a lot like signing on the dotted line at the bottom of a ten-page legal contract, or clicking "Agree" at the end of a lengthy online “Agreement” that you HAVE to sign in order to get access to a download or a website; almost nobody really reads all that stuff, you just scroll down to the end and sign it, indicating that you "accept" whatever the f*ck it said and hope for the best. 
Still, I'm sure "knowing" something so important with such certainty makes these God-Fearing people feel more in control of life and death and all that scary stuff; none of that soul-searching, questioning for them, no siree, because they KNOW. Yeah, right... 

Seriously, only the most desperately easily led would fall for this nonsense, and only labels like "Christian" and devout"  and "religious­" save them from a more accurate label, "nuts".

However, that being said, if you are a Harold Camping devotee who's planning to ascend on Saturday the 21st, I have one question for you, and this is important: 
Can I have your car?  Seriously, the transmission on my Civic is in it's last days for real, so I really, really need a car. But having assets totaling exactly $9 (which has to last until June 1st- literally, no kidding), I'm royally screwed. So I'd be delighted to take your car off your hands, since you won’t be needing it after this Saturday, right?